Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In America we eat man semen.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
