I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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