also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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