I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
