shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
