i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
