yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
