"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
