I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
