I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
