Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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