am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
