Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
