I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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