marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
