So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
