I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i think i just lost a toe
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
