His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
