i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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