How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
