Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Where did you get a picture of my penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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