Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
