Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
