Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
