how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
