you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
