i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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