I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
