party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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