you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im part way to drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
