you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
