yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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