I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's always time for handjobs
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
