Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
