The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
