I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let's get the cat blown out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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