Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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