Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
