peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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