If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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