even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
