I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you never un-have a 4some
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
