Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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