You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
