He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
