you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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