i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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