If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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