Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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