Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
